You’ve probably fallen for this before.
That moment you’re walking down the street, and it feels like all eyes are on you. All at once, your skin feels prickly, your palms get sweaty, and you forget how to walk in a straight line. And if you’re a female walking by a group of men, it's even worse.
Yes, that's what we're talking about today - Spotlight Bias also known as Main Character Syndrome.
So what really is the spotlight bias?
It’s a cognitive bias that makes us think we’re being observed by others more than we actually are. It's why someone might continually apologise for a raspy voice on their podcast or YouTube video, even though we might have never noticed had they not mentioned.
Ultimately this happens because we experience life from our narrow frame of reference; it’s a natural human limitation.
But it’s important to fully understand this bias because of the danger on both sides of the extreme— one of which is when we actually start to believe that the sun revolves around us truly. When in reality no one really cares.
How can we overcome this situation?
One word sums it all for us - Sonder.
Sonder is described as the sudden realisation that other people are leading just-as-complex lives as we are. It’s the lightbulb awareness that everyone has a story. Everyone is going through something and that every human being on earth has their own shortcomings and fair share of struggles.
As a child, this was difficult to comprehend. I couldn’t imagine that the Mathematics teacher even had a life after third period, let alone desires, aspirations and worries.
I think this is why I now enjoy watching people. You'll often find me silent, ears and eyes wide open.
There’s something about it.
For one, it encourages me not to take things so personally. Everyone isn’t out to get me. Sometimes, for example the Matatu conductor is rude just because.
Because they’ve had a bad day. Because they’ve lost some money.
Sometimes the M-pesa lady is just rude because:
She's going through a heart break or divorce.
Or she has lost a loved one. Something, just something.
I’ve come across a couple of quotes or videos that encourage us to “romanticise our lives”. And for a change, it’s one trend I don’t particularly mind. But while with the pure intention to build confidence and spark joy in the mundane, it can unwittingly expose one to further self-consciousness and a worse propensity to be shy. After all, all eyes are on the protagonist or any story or movie.
But here’s the fact:
No one cares that much.
However, the bigger point is that perhaps since we’re the main character in our own lives, we’re secondary in the lives of others—supporting cast, if you will. And so, most times, it’s not that our most genuine friends don’t care. It’s because everyone is preoccupied with their own motion picture, hoping the curtain doesn’t fall on them shoddily. Everyone is busy focusing on their lives and they hardly notice other people's.
Final thoughts
While this is difficult to get rid of entirely, being aware of it helps to mitigate its more extreme effects. Especially when it leads to overthinking past events.
Chances are that no one, but you, remembers that intimately.
So next time you get this feeling, just remind yourself that no one really cares.
Adios. See you next Wednesday and remember to always #Stay_Mentally_Fit
#Not_a_Motivational_Speaker_just_a_Peddler_of_hope
Read my related article on overthinking here 👉 Over thinking expained
Read my blog here 👉 African Torch